A Sexy Alternative
by Aja Landolfi, editor in chief
Too many people are having casual/unprotected sex without giving any thought to the consequences. Never in my life have I seen so many people act so erratic and out of line. What is going on in that pretty little head of yours that makes you think you can do whatever you want and not have to suffer the consequences? People need to pull their heads out of their asses and stop having casual/unprotected sex then using abortions as a form of birth control. An abortion isn’t a means of birth control. It’s not something that you get done just because you were too
lazy to be safe with your sexual encounters. If people were to be more careful and have safe sex then the abortion rates in this country would go down.
The women in this country believe that it is acceptable to walk around and have sex with anyone they please. Ladies wake up! It’s not! No one is going to stop you from doing this though. What are you going to do? Rely on the men to stop you? That won’t work, men will literally screw anything with two legs. They don’t have to worry about the burden of unwanted aliens living inside of their bodies, feasting on their nutrients, and then eventually demanding all of their attention for the rest of their lives. At that point it’s your problem and not theirs.
Are all the risks really worth all the pleasure? Do you ever plan on actually having a kid one day with the man you love? Well, if you get an abortion you may never have that chance. You can risk having serious damage done to your lady parts and therefore never be able to have a kid again. How do you expect to find yourself a man if you can’t even give him a child? Not to mention the serious side effects that you can face which include infections, blood loss, anxiety, depression, suicidal behaviors and even death. Don’t lose your mind over this little alien. Don’t go and kill yourself either. Just have the damn kid. What harm will it cause you? The answer is none. More harm will come if you go through all the trouble of trying to rid yourself of this burden. Just learn to love your little alien.
However, if you can’t find it in your heart to love your little alien, maybe you should try for the new mermaid look. It’s all the rage in Third World countries. What doctors do is they stitch your legs together from your crotch to your knees. This prevents you from being able to have casual sex. With this new look you don’t have to worry about any aliens because you can’t get rid of what you don’t have in the first place. Doctors in Europe came up with this idea after a recent visit to a third world country where all they did was kill poor baby aliens. The doctors were fed up and decided that the aliens either deserved to live or should not be conceived at all. After taking this new solution back to Europe, women of all kind went crazy. They couldn’t believe the price to get this procedure done. Instead of paying at most $1,500 every time they wanted a surgical abortion, they only have to pay one low price of $600 once for the new mermaid look. Not only is it cheap, but men can’t get enough of it. They will find your new walk incredibly sexy. The doctors are now bringing this new innovation to the States and it is predicted to become the next big thing.
A second option would unfortunately be to go back to medieval times and bring back the chastity belt. Now this isn’t as serious or as big of a commitment as the mermaid look, but if you do take your belt off and conceive a little alien that you want to get rid of you may risk losing your key rights permanently. You will not have access to your key and neither will any man. Repeat offenders will unfortunately have their key destroyed and thrown away. Men also don’t find this look as attractive as the mermaid look. If you resort to this option, there is no guarantee that you will find a man to love. Ladies, you may end up alone, cold, depressed, and with 12 cats. Now, I don’t know about you but one alien and someone to love seems a lot better than 12 cats.
These simple preventative measures will benefit the community as a whole in the long run. There won’t be any little aliens running around unloved. There will be no guilt that you have just killed an alien that could have had an amazing life. You won’t feel regret and slip into a depression that could possibly end with death. By taking these preventative measures, your life will be a happier one. You will be able to live freely. Isn’t that what everyone wants? These measures will also help lower the abortion rate and that will mean that this country is doing something right!
People, you can see that there are many options out there to prevent you from ever having or even needing to consider an abortion. Men, encourage your women to take action! Don’t let them be selfish and kill an alien that could have had a wonderful life. Ladies, listen to your men. Go for the mermaid look, it will drive them crazy. I am only concerned for your well being. I can safely say that this problem does not concern me, after all, I have no problems keeping my legs closed.