Satire: Fifty states of fear

by Alice Mungyu, feature editor

The Ebola virus was last seen dancing the Irish jig, laughing to itself about how easy it was to draw the U.S. deeper into its predicament. “Wonderful, excellent,” it muttered. Fear. It’s within us and sending us into a whirlpool of uncertainty and ambiguity. In America, fear is much easier to catch than Ebola. Deadlier than the virus itself, the rumor mill has gone into overdrive, with the media contributing to the hysteria. Producing ludicrous theories, phony cures and efforts to capitalize on panic, the government and its propaganda thrive on one fictional crisis after another as part of a systematic effort to instill fear in daffy naïve Americans. Rumors, myths, ideas and false information produced by the media are just excuses to amplify and spread its power and reach.

Ebola, formerly known as Zaire Ebola Virus, was found to be the causative strain of the present outbreak for the first time in West Africa in 1976. The disease, originally derived from fruit bats was transmitted to humans infected through contact with bat saliva or feces. But fear not, Americans. There are only three* people within our borders that has been tested positive for the virus. As of November 7th, there have been 13,268 reported Ebola cases in eight affected countries since the outbreak began, with 4,960 reported deaths. However, Ebola isn’t as severe as the media portrays it to be. In fact, over 500,000 people are killed by the flu each year. 88,000 U.S. deaths each year traced to alcohol use. Cigarette smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in the United States, accounting for more than 480,000 deaths, or one of every five deaths, each year. More Americans have been dumped by Taylor Swift than having to die from Ebola.

As seen in George Orwell’s alarming classic 1894, Americans are now living under the same influence that was in a society that was foreseen by Orwell, more vulnerable and invasive. On almost every level, American citizens are under an equal or greater threat of abuse, condition, and control by high-tech surveillance than anything Winston Smith ever faced. 1984 was not supposed to be an instructional manual. We have fallen through the trap of the higher power. Media coverage states that one can be cured by drinking saltwater and taking saltwater baths. Several editorials were published on Dr. Robert Rowen, who is a leading expert on oxidative therapy. Dr. Rowen declares that he can cure Ebola through ozone therapy where one can develop a natural immunity to the virus. Bombarding us with scary statistics and exaggerated claims, the press is definitely here to reduce fear and protect the people. Using its power, the sole purpose is to take control over the populace and serve for the government’s fundamental aim: consolidating power.  It’s an all-encompassing surveillance state with a militarized component designed to rule society and maintain fear and violence through its political monopoly.

The Ebola scare has gone too far, and public figures aren’t making it any better. Donald Trump, one of the wealthiest entrepreneurs have fallen into the panic, with the mogul calling for the US to shut off all travel to West Africa and revoke citizens’ right to return to the country. The idea to ban airplanes flying from West Africa has been advocated by senators, governors, and the Speaker of the US House, and has the support of 70% of Americans in a recent poll. Who cares about natural rights during an outbreak right? Due to a high fatality rate, the possibility of widespread transmission is extremely low. Is it fair to reject people from our society just because they come from a place where the sickness exists? We might as well padlock these people up in a cage and push in a bowl of canned soup three times a day.

If you’re still concerned about catching this deadly disease, here are some ways you can protect yourself. The most important and effective way is to donate to pharmaceutical companies, research institutions and medical centers. If every person donate $2.00, we can fund these groundbreaking studies and develop a vaccine. With the extra money, we can even airlift essential supplies and distribute vital health information and caring for children and families who are endanger to Ebola. With early treatment, everyone can survive this disease.

To protect yourself, regularly examine your DNA under a transmission electron microscope for signs that shows if Ebola has attached itself to your cell membranes. Next, squeeze organic, GMO-free lemon juice and cayenne pepper into a ceramic bowl. Lemon and cayenne pepper contains a compound called citronols which will help your body fight off viral infections naturally. Ceramic bowl, invented by the Ancient Egyptians will prevent harmful pathogens that can enter the concoction. Apply the mixture all over your body and repeat this process two times a day. Also, avoid eating or drinking bat related products at all cost. Unless you want to be exposed to this toxic infection, I suggest you to stray away from bat wings, bat ears, or bat thigh. Lastly, remember that Ebola can only be spread once patients are symptomatic. If you believe you’ve been exposed, get all your errands and public trips out of the way before your symptoms start showing.

Ebola bio-hazard suit will also be available in the near future. Gloves, gown (fluid resistant or impermeable), eye protection (goggles or face shield) and face mask are required for all outdoor activities. Don’t worry, the U.S government will protect its people. Through the use of control, power, and propaganda of course.  With these new plans to prevent and stop Ebola, we can save mankind, one person at a time. The media will soon stop with the false reporting because there’ll be nothing to report on.