by Kelly Leem, fashion editor
They’re dirty, they’re smelly, and they constantly beg. What are they? No, not dogs. Yes! These people are what we call hobos. Why call them hobos? Because they’re literally homeless bozos. That’s right. The same bozos, who are apparently “harmless,” that live on the streets begging for your money, who totally have something to live for. To reward them for their active community service, I propose we build a super shelter that’ll be like heaven to them; a warm, clean, and sanitized bed waiting for them, as well as exceptional staff members that will help meet their every need in their journey to recovery. Then, they’ll have bodies that’ll make a lot of money, and I’m not talking about turning them into strippers.
What’s the difference between humans and animals? Nothing. They’re both filthy. If the government can fund animal testing, I’m sure they can fit a bit of human harvestation in there as well. In the United States alone, 407,966 individuals were homeless in shelters, transitional housing programs or on the streets. They’re everywhere! Everywhere you turn, there’s at least one crazy loon in dirty clothing asking for money. That’s why, it’s very reasonable to build a big fancy building where all of them gather like pigeons eating Mcdonalds fries off the ground. Being the gentle creatures that they are, it’s best to create a nonthreatening environment because often these poor and innocent beings get provoked by violence, and it gets them killed.The shelter will obviously include mental health treatment and physical health care, and education and employment opportunities, peer support, and daily living and money management skills training just for the heck of it. Of course, there’s one teensy weensy problem, a lack of funding can hinder the progression of this facility. However, I’m sure the United States Department of Housing and Urban development, with its various programs and Projects for Assistance in Transition from Homelessness (PATH) will come through with funding, which includes $1.5 billion for homelessness prevention and rehousing.
Putting the homeless in this shelter probably won’t make them “homeless” anymore, but they’re home to disgusting diseases that put themselves and the public health in danger. A grand solution to get rid of them is to be nice and understanding about their problems. Just smooth talk those body lice off, all 600 of them. Homeless people are more susceptible to infectious diseases such as HIV, TB, STD’s, respiratory infections, infestations (scabies, lice, etc), and skin infections. They suffer from muscle skeletal problems such as foot diseases, post traumatic arthritis, and chronic pain syndromes. Basically, in a nutshell, homeless people are life threatening walking germ bags that spread disease everywhere. They’re literally the embodiments of pestilence, one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Because they carry various amounts of diseases, I can compare them to mosquitoes, just buzzing around transmitting those diseases through close contact. All the more reason to bring them into the shelter to receive vaccines, immunizations, and other medication to reduce the amount of diseases they carry. Providing them with special diets to improve their bodily functions and add a little bit of glow back to their dull faces, and exercise routines to get their blood pumping after sitting for so long oughta get rid of their malnutrition. After most of their organs start functioning more healthily, that’s when we start to dig in. The only job that they’ve learned to do is to lay down, stay still, and to close their eyes. All that job opportunity stuff, teaching them about a life after living in this shelter, is non existent. Sure they’re full of diseases but I didn’t know they’d be so full of themselves. To think you actually had a chance out there in the world, how silly. Homeless people are homeless for a reason, because they serve no purpose, no one cares about them anymore. But, in this shelter, they do have a purpose, to provide chances for other people to live and for me to make more money.
Organs are in short supply lately. There aren’t enough organ donors as of late, so some doctors decided to put a price on it, $10,000. Half of the people that said they were probably not going to donate their organs reconsidered when that deal was put on the table. As always, money pays. I mean, if you’re feeling a bit more safe, go ahead and go donate to a non profit organization like The National Disease Research Interchange (NDRI). But, why go to a non profit organization when you can make a huge profit out of selling organs and body parts instead? Go ahead and sell the bodies and organs to medical institutes that used to go steal bodies in some old cemetery. but, I’m a professional that likes taking advantage of all my resources. Maybe I’ll sell the skin and get a human skin leather wallet out of it. I’ll feel like Hannibal and a stylish trendsetter. Look at the prices of those hearts and livers! They’re nearly $900,000! Your whole body’s worth up to 45 million dollars. Imagine that amount of money times at least 200 of those homeless folks. I guess their homes will be in bags and jars.
You can get all teary eyed and say that these homeless people will be missed and it’s just wrong to get rid of them like this. But, will they really be missed? Is it really so wrong? Have you ever seen a news coverage about a death of a homeless person? Have you ever seen someone looking for someone that was homeless? Do you ever see homeless people being cared for (except in shelters)? I didn’t think so. So, what’s wrong with giving them a purpose in this world? They’ll finally be useful to themselves and to other people. Not only will their organs benefit me, but it’ll benefit other people. A homeless person’s organ can save another person’s life, or even help find the cure for cancer! It’s not like they have anything better to do, besides waddling in their own filth.
